An Interview with Oscar

This year marks the 82nd birthday of one of our oldest friends, Oscar the Academy Award. Now, Oscar has never granted an interview in the 80 years he’s been seducing Tinsel Town but has now decided to break his silence and talk to this blog's very own, Scoop Johnson.



Scoop: Oscar, What’s it like being a golden statue that everyone would love to own?
Oscar: It’s great, to be honest with you Scoop. Imagine that for one night every year, every party that you go to, everyone wants to see you walking through the door…it’s a rush.

Scoop: Has the fact that you’re under two feet tall ever led to an inferiority complex?
Oscar: When you’re as popular as I am, Scoop, size doesn’t matter. Besides, I’m 18 inches of solid gold for crying out loud…how inferior can I possibly be?!

Scoop: Actually, you ‘re only 13 inches tall. The base you stand on is 5 inches tall. Does this matter?
Oscar: Hey, still solid gold…let’s move on!

Scoop: You do indeed look great for 82. How do you stay in shape?
Oscar: Well, Scoop, I have a personal trainer that keeps me pretty honest. I know a lot of people think it’s all chisels and gold leafing but to be fair, it’s hard work looking this good.

Scoop: How do you respond to the reports that many of Hollywood’s elite are using steroids to produce better pictures?
Oscar: Completely false. The integrity of this town has been in tact for as long as I’ve been around.

Scoop: But, the integrity in this town has always been an issue and now there are rumors circulating that even you, Oscar the Academy Award, have turned to the juice to produce better award shows. How do you respond, sir?
Oscar: You want answers…you want the truth…well, maybe you can’t handle the truth. You think all this is easy? I know we may not have the warm, homemade feel as some of those classic foreign films like Borat, but we do the best we can. We do 100% American!

Scoop: But Borat was anything but a foreign film. Could your hostile response be considered or confused with “Roid Rage”?
Oscar: You’ve got the “Rage” part right but “Roid”; you are sorely mistaking my friend. I know a lot of people in this town that could make you just, disappear! My trainer injects me with only the finest natural chemi…uh, did I say injects…?


…This was the end of the interview…